~It's a Beautiful Thing~ (bouncerbutch) wrote in xxthe_journeyxx,
~It's a Beautiful Thing~

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Slip & Fall

Life style changes are not the easiest to do, and even though I have been feeling like I have everything under control, it was apparent in my behavior this evening, that I do not have everything under control. Over the past couple of days I have been stressing over a visit from our Regional manager at work. As usual I took the visit as a negative thing instead of looking at it as an opportunity to grow in the knowledge of my job. It has always been a tough thing for me to handle when it is announced that we have someone coming from Corp or a huge 'boss' visiting our store. What did I do today when I came home from work?!?!? First thing I went for was the munchies. Granted I do not have any of the regular 'junk' food in the house, but there is such a thing a moderation in regards to anything that you consume. Not me, I sat and ate a half a bag of Chex Mix. Yup I am capable of doing this. Please don't be surprised. I found that even after I ate a half a bag, I still had no satisfaction so I left the 'food' thing alone for a little while.

Then my father called to inform me that my grandmother had just under went surgery to amputate her right leg, and that things went okay but she was not doing well. This threw me into a whirl of emotions, and ultimately my first response was to hit the food. What do I do?!?!? I go straight for the microwave dinners. It's like I have trained my brain to do this. Now that I sit here typing this I am kicking myself for this behavior, yet at the same time I did not even think twice about it at the time. It was not apparent to me until after the fact. This frustrates me. There is no need for it, and aside from being mad at myself for making these choices, I feel guilty. To top it all off, for the first time I feel fat. Never in my life have I aver had a real problem with who I was/am, and all of a sudden I have this overwhelming sense of disgust. I know that I am going to fall from time to time, but I hate the fact that I am having a hard time 'forgiving' myself for making the mistake.

The old saying goes like this.....When you fall off get back on and try try again

Monday I go for my 6 week check up, and I am excited to see where I stand with my weight lose. I have been weighing in at home, but I trust the scale in the office more than my own, so, we shall see. I just hope that my stupid mistake/decision did not unravel what I have already done.

*kicks self*
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