~It's a Beautiful Thing~ (bouncerbutch) wrote in xxthe_journeyxx,
~It's a Beautiful Thing~

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It's Time

It has been almost a year since I was told that I have type 2 diabetes. For the first several months I did very well. Watched what I ate, did my daily exercises and was very happy with my progress. In September I had surgery on my wrist and that through my way off. Not being able to exercise by order of the doctor and having full access to the cupboards and fridge was totally chaotic. I suppose that this should not be a total excuse, but it is mine. I gained much of the 35lbs that I had lost prior to surgery all back. Sitting around the apartment watching to much tv will do that to a person I suppose. My last check up and blood work came back just alright. I do have my work cut out for me. I need to get back to routine that I had before surgery. Back at the beginning of the new year I made a promise that I would, but always found some sort of reason not too get back on the wagon. However I am feeling very depressed with the way things have been turning in the last month or so. Having a major fight with my significant other did not help matters any. I feel unhealthy, look unhealthy and have a general dislike of myself at the moment. Depression is a huge motivator and a curse. I am more drawn to the junk food because I feel depressed. I am tired and just blah most of the time and I hate looking in the mirror and hating the way that I look. It has become very hard for me to imagine anyone loving me for me and not what is on the outside because I feel as though that is what people see first. This depression is most definitely a motivator as well. Feeling like this makes me want to change everything around. Make things better, make them right again. I had so much more energy before. I rarely felt exhausted like I have been in the last several months. I notice the difference. So tonight I got out a notebook and wrote all of my current information in it. BMI, Weight, Height etc. and my all of my ideals. BMI, Weight etc. I am going to count my calories to see what I consume and cut back to the recommended calorie intake according to my current information. I am also going to get back into the exercise routine starting in the morning. I need to and want too. It's no longer going to be oh I will do it next week or next month. I must do it now and so I am going too. I want to be attractive on the outside as well as on the inside and right now neither are very appealing to me. In fact they are scaring me.

So this is the start to climbing back on the wagon. All I ask is for support. I can't be accountable to just myself that will not work. I need discipline and encouragement to make this work.

Starting over.
Tags: health
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